Compatibility / kəmˌpatɪˈbɪlɪti / noun
A state in which two things are able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict.
Thanks to the quarantine regarding the scary Covid-19 (Cardi B scream: coronavirus!) I had the perfect excuse to finally binge-watch a guilty pleasure of mine. The 6th season of Love island. For those who don’t know what it is, it’s basically a villa on an island filled with boys and girls who are trying to find true love. Trapped in four walls (or should I say gazillion walls because that villa is huuuge), they make friendships and romantic relationships among themselves. Every now and then, they are blessed by new gorgeous islanders that come inside and try to spice things up. That is especially hard for those who are already coupled up. They face trials and errors, trying not to get their heads turned by new people coming in. In the end there is one couple who wins, that the public finds the most genuine.
Actually, when you really think about it they are sort of in a quarantine of their own. It’s one household, they can’t see anyone from the outside and they hardly leave the villa (except for the one-on-one dates). They live in a comfort bubble where they have a chance of getting to know each other laying by the pool, without distractions, 24/7. Lucky bastards.
Honestly, I am really not a fan of reality shows (except for Drag Race, that show is straight fire).
But there is something extremely entertaining about observing people based on what they choose a partner. Why they choose that person, how they express their affection, how the other person reacts to that and how quickly they can cut someone off if they notice someone more intriguing. To be honest, most of them choose based on visual attraction. Then, if the initial attraction is there, the conversation starts. They get to know each others’ deepest fears, family secrets and their favourite sex positions (see, in Love island this last one is truly important). Shoutout to the butter churner!
Based on all of that they decide if their ‘’chosen one’’ is really who they see themselves with. But then the ‘’million dollar question’’ happens: ‘’Do you see us working on the outside?’’….
Truthfully, we would all love to stay in our little comfort bubbles forever. Where we feel secure and loved. Where there is just you and that one special person. Nobody and nothing matters, except you two. No responsibilities, no jobs, no hobbies. Unlike the Love island world, the real one doesn’t work that way. Sadly, it doesn’t stop just because you did.
We spend a lifetime looking for our soulmates. Someone who will finally make us feel understood after all this time. Someone who will feel better than loneliness. And then, bam! We think we found it and suddenly, we don’t know what to do with it! We don’t ask ourselves the important questions: what can they give me emotionally that I can’t give myself already? What can I gain from being with them? Do they make me a better person? List of questions goes on and on. At that moment we thought we finally found the one. Then disappointment comes after it somehow doesn’t work out. Remember that person from high school that you were crazy about? And then out of nowhere it was goodbye forever and they always remained that one person that you thought it might have worked out if the timing was better, if you were more mature at the time, if you didn’t want to party all the time … At least that’s what we told ourselves.
But! (and it’s a big butt, ayyy) I personally think it didn’t work out because of a bigger reason. We are actually looking for someone who is simply compatible with us. And yes, one might say: ‘’Oh, come on! If someone really likes the other person they will make it work, regardless of anything else!’’ That may be true, but hear me out.
We yearn for someone who we can just ‘’salt bae’’ into our life. The main dish is already impeccable but we want to add a little sprinkle that will enhance the flavours. In real life that means someone whose work schedule will be compatible with ours. Someone who we can watch our favourite shows with and listen to music that molded us throughout high-school. Someone who has personality traits that complement our own. A person who will be prepared to leave everything behind and follow us across the globe if we get a job opportunity elsewhere.
We want someone to be the Netflix to our chill, the gin to our tonic, the Google home to our light, the … Ok, you get it. And seriously, if you don’t jump in bed and say: ‘’Hey Google, turn off the light!’’ then I really don’t know what you’re doing with your life.
The recurring pattern to me is compatibility. Because sadly, love by itself is never enough. I imagine love to be like two concrete pillars. The only thing pulling them together is the ivy that intertwines them (hey Google, play Ivy by Frank Ocean now). To me the ivy represents compatibility, stability, trust and more. Even if you were compatible with someone it means nothing without hard work, dedication and compromise. It does go hand in hand with other virtues, true. But I believe it’s the key to all other doors. So you see, the person you left behind at some point in your life is for a reason. I promise this isn’t one of those soppy stories where I tell you in the end that your better half is waiting for you out there. No. Just know that if it doesn’t work out with the next one and the next after that, it’s okay. You two just weren’t compatible. Don’t worry too much as there are 7 billion people in the world. Surely there is someone out there who doesn’t give a damn about your loud snoring, no?
I will gladly accept my payment for this therapy session via my Revolut app, thanks.
Stay safe and #stayhome, if you can.